Confessions of a Mother of Five: part 2

If you are joining me from Part I of Confessions of a Mother of Five, then you know that “Reluctant Krisi” had just landed in Louisiana with her six-week-old brown eyed baby girl, her huge new mama heart, and her husband who was knee deep in a brand new job.

I was unsure. I was a fledgling mama, plucked from my hometown, questioning God transplant. And now I was alone. Wondering why God would uproot us at such a critical juncture? Had He taken a wrong turn by accident? I was questioning. 

How do I do this? How do I settle into strange and new… learn to raise a child… be a supportive wife, follow God, find a doctor, a sitter, the Mall! Would my daughter have playmates? Would I? 

God had more work to do in me. 

God loves us enough to allow our security in things other than Him to be shaken loose. His desire is to be our secure foundation.

My soul waits in silence for God only;

From Him is my salvation.

He only is my rock and my salvation,

My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.

Psalm 62:1-2

A friend back home had a straight up chat with me, in the way that good girlfriends do. She not only talked me off of the emotional ledge, but also encouraged me to look for a women’s Bible study. So there I walked… into a new place, completely unsure of how it might turn out. This was not easy. In fact for some, it can be terrifying and overwhelming placing yourself into the vulnerability of a new group. For me, entering that giant room full of women whom I was certain were all best friends since childhood, was an important first step. It was a step of faith in learning to trust God; in believing more in His desire for us to be part of community than my own uncertainty.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Hebrews 10:24-25

Because God is good and faithful and into the details, I met another young first-time mom at that women’s Bible study. She then invited me to a little class for new mamas offered by our community center. I attended that gathering the very next week and it quickly became more than I could have ever imagined. 

That little faith step of walking into uncertainty was exactly what God used to bring about something marked and meaningful in the midst of the unfamiliar. God does not call us to figure the whole thing out, nor to win the fear battle all by our lonesome. He only asks that we take a step. In faith. Towards trusting him.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

My security in my surroundings had to be loosened in order for me to trust in God’s ability to provide His best. 

Our little local band of mamas met every week at our community center with our oversized diaper bags, baby bundles, and many questions in tow. Soon we were lunching together after class, taking over whatever restaurant that had extra highchairs and an affordable menu. As we outgrew the community class, we formed our own playgroup. Our newly fashioned tribe of mamas and babies began meeting in our own homes. My fellow first time momers became community. I was not alone. 

We were skilled at finding every free thing under the sun and then calling it a playdate, which we all knew were really mom dates. More importantly, we watched and rallied as our first borns traveled from one milestone to the next.  We encouraged one another, learned from one another, and valued one another as new yet uniquely different mamas. It was two years of rich and meaningful learning on the value of community, and I thank God for the abundance He provided on the other side of the scary unknown. 

God used a new move and a new place and even my doubts and fears to show me that He is trustworthy and better than I ever expected. He also plucked out the tempting weed of isolation in order to make room for the growth that comes with life lived in community. 

XOXO,